In a previous lifetime...
...I worked in both academia and health services. I thought I had reached my dream, which was to finally bridge the schism between research, teaching and practice. I had a beautiful daughter and 10 year marriage (knew him for nearly five years before we married).
I had it made!
In the not so distant past...
...Years before our separation, I had quit my tenured position (which had been crucial to my identity and values system) to try and save my marriage, not repeat in my parents' footsteps of being "workaholics" and to be more present in my young daughter's life.
I thought I was prioritizing family values... right?
It took me years to navigate the messy divorce. I was left with single momhood, no career and a lifetime full of betrayals...
... but the scariest was what I wasn't left with.
I didn't understand what happened.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what I wanted.
I didn't know what to stand for.
I didn't know who I was anymore.
In the here-and-now...
...It's been quite challenging as a middle-aged woman re-entering the dating scene, especially since my "game" is probably over two decades old (if I ever had any!). Also, there wasn't really any online dating when I stopped dating.
More importantly, I couldn't figure out what I was looking for in a partner. After nearly four years of MAD (middle-aged dating), I still can't tell you what I'm looking for... but I can tell you who I am now...
... becasue the path back to myself was remembering what I used to stand for, why I made the choices I made and who I have become as the result of my experiences.
How did it lead to CAKEd?
This is a side-project I made on a whim in hopes of providing a less awful dating experience for those who weren't quite born in the age of the internet (maybe struggle with iphone updates like me) but can't escape the disconnect and disillusionment of being forced to participate in the norms of online dating. Also, I'm tired of seeing people heartbroken, frustrated and hurting over the disconnection of modern dating, which oftentimes includes bad habits born out of the wonders of technology.
Simultaneously, this is a movement helping us own up to our own unique values system. Recognizing and choosing to live by our values are the essence of humanity and connection.
Intentionally reconnecting with ourselves ultimately leads to stronger, healthier and more positive connections with others.
Click on the blog if you want to know more (such as the unedited version). There are also plenty of guest writers documenting their MAD experiences. We also feature writers that are non-daters and "taken". If you are itching to share your experiences, then please send in your writings! The more the merrier at CAKEd....
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